Family dynamics can significantly affect the longevity of a family office, especially when it comes to expanding the family structure through marriage. While families have faced this challenge for centuries, experts believe that effective communication can go a long way toward ensuring a smooth transition.
Experts emphasize that this communication should start long before a next-generation family member even falls in love.
“The conversation should begin within the family unit before there’s an engagement on the horizon. There’s no perfect time, but the earlier, the better,” said Neza Gallitano, managing director of New York-based Evercore Wealth Management. “This allows the discussion to focus on the benefits and responsibilities of inheriting wealth without being clouded by a particular significant other.”
Given the need for early conversations, dating for next-gen family members becomes an important consideration. With the rise of social dating apps and new ways for people to meet, some next-gen family members — or their parents — seek help, even turning to boutique matchmaking services to find love that aligns with their values.
“We see the value of a good partner, and it’s so important,” said Cassindy Chao, a partner at San Francisco-based Boutique Matchmaking. “This is a critical need for many legacy families. It can make a big difference in terms of mental well-being and wealth legacy planning.”
Confidentiality is crucial for Chao and her partner, Shannon Lundgren, as they navigate the complexities of working with ultra-high-net-worth individuals. They believe their work can help people connect in a meaningful way.
“Discretion and confidentiality is paramount to our clients. In the search for their partner, we make sure that the client decides where and when to share their financial status as it's very private information,” Lundgren said.
Once a family member enters a dating relationship, questions about the family’s wealth may arise. “When someone new is exposed to the family’s lifestyle, they may become curious and ask questions like: ‘I noticed your family takes luxury vacations and has an expensive home. Is your family wealthy? Are you wealthy?’ ” said Amy Jucoski, head of legacy and wealth planning at the Radnor, Pennsylvania-based Callan Family Office. “It’s a good idea for families to have honest, open discussions about how to address these and other potential questions long before a dating relationship begins.”
These early conversations can make all the difference in helping the next generation understand how to make informed decisions about wealth and relationships, Jucoski noted.
To prenup or not?
Coventry Edwards-Pitt, author of Engaged, Healthy, Wealthy & Wise and chief creative officer at Waltham, Massachusetts-based Ballentine Partners, has met with many wealthy couples to discuss navigating uncomfortable dynamics such as marrying into a wealthy family, dealing with wealth disparity and considering prenuptial agreements.
“Wealthy families tend to experience the best outcomes when wealthy parents make an effort to see a child’s new partner through their child’s eyes — in other words, as a gift rather than a threat, as new entrants to any system are often perceived,” Edwards-Pitt said. She noted that her firm no longer believes that prenuptial agreements should be standard practice in first marriages between a young inheritor and a partner.
“The interviews I conducted [for the book] made it clear that the human risks to the relationships involved, not just between a young couple but also among their respective families, often outweigh any financial benefits of the agreement,” Edwards-Pitt said.
For families who believe a prenuptial agreement is necessary, the timing and execution of the process are crucial.
“Don’t wait to start the process,” said David Handler, a Chicago-based partner in the trusts and estates practice group at Kirkland & Ellis. “Get it done far in advance of the wedding because complications can arise, and it will only become more stressful as the wedding date approaches.
“Also, if the agreement is signed too close to the wedding date, it could be claimed that it was signed under duress, possibly negating the agreement.”
Handler suggests that families consider whether a prenup is truly needed or whether proper structuring with trusts might be “good enough.” Edwards-Pitt echoes this sentiment, explaining that ways exist to protect assets through estate documents.
“On the human side,” she said, “the risks to relationships are real and lasting.”
For those who insist on a prenup, Edwards-Pitt suggests allowing the couple time and space to pursue a prenuptial mediation process, which can be more holistic and less adversarial.
After the prenup
Bryn Monahan, who has the unique vantage point of being part of a multi-generational family and working with others on key family dynamics issues at Westmont, New Jersey-based Relative Solutions, believes that trust is imperative regardless of how a family member enters the family, prenup or not.
“It’s important to be thoughtful about bringing ‘married-ins’ into the family enterprise — the more strategic, the better the outcome,” Monahan said. “There are ways to protect family assets while still inviting a voice, and perhaps even a vote, with or without prenuptial agreements.”
Rebecca Meyer, a partner at Relative Solutions, identified one of the biggest challenges for the older generation when it comes to prenuptial agreements: They often listen to fear rather than being guided by values.
“While there is a genuine intention to protect their children from making a mistake, this can lead to unintended consequences in the relationships between the older and younger generations,” Meyer said. “Focusing on the worst-case scenario can create a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Regardless of the approach any family takes, communication and open-mindedness are essential for productive experiences. For families seeking additional resources, peer-to-peer networks like Forge can be valuable for advice, Meyer said.
Added Monahan: “In-laws will often become parents of future shareholders. It’s important to keep that in mind, because if you don’t treat them well, they may not want to see their children involved and may actively resist it.”
Throughout her work with families, Edwards-Pitt understands that while one person may enter a marriage with less wealth than another, it doesn’t negate that the couple is in the experience together.
“Overall, I’ve found that the process of inheriting wealth is an identity journey for both the inheritor and their partner,” she said, “and their experiences end up being more similar than people might imagine.”