In the past two decades, multi-generational families have been embracing a more holistic approach to wealth and business continuity. Their plans now take into account human capital — including leadership development, mental health and family governance. Nevertheless, one key asset is frequently unrecognized and underutilized: a family’s narrative.
A family’s narrative — its ever-growing compendium of tales — communicates overarching ideas and values about who the family is and, more important, who its members can be. The narrative tells family members how to approach life’s challenges and serves as connective tissue, either supporting or undermining aspects of their prosperity and well-being.
This article is a primer for bolstering family resilience by making good on something families already have: a unique collection of stories, ones they know well and others they’ve possibly hidden away. From the rigorous social research conducted by Emory University’s Robyn Fivush, we now know the three interlocking elements of strong, empowering family narratives — what I term here their “resilience narrative”: positive-meaning making, coherence and emotional truth.
Fivush’s research reveals that adolescents and young adults endowed with a rich repository of family narratives — articulated with positive-framing, authenticity and detail — exhibit elevated levels of self-esteem, reduced anxiety and a heightened sense of life's purpose and meaning. In essence, family storytelling significantly influences whether a person will cultivate resilience, grit and a sense of belonging.
But not all storytelling is equal, Fivush has emphasized:
“What is most important for family memories is how we tell them, how we frame them — when a challenging event occurs, did we rise to the occasion and come together as a family to cope or overcome, or were we devastated and could not recover? It is the interpretations and evaluations that provide the grist of family stories. It is not always about what happened — although that clearly matters — but what we think it means about who we are.”
Resilience in action
The Sugahara family became interested in a family film project during a significant business transition. The idea for a film was initially proposed by a member of their board of owners as a means of honoring the values and experiences of the family's departing leadership. Having spearheaded innovations in shipping, oil and transportation, the second-generation leaders paved the way for the rising generation. As the family's third generation stepped into ownership, they sought to document pivotal stories, convey their genuine gratitude and outline a compelling vision for the future.
Interestingly, the family recognized that their considerable business success stemmed from a traumatic period in the 1940s when their first- and second-generation members were interned in U.S. government detention camps during World War II. Like thousands of other Japanese Americans, they were forced to leave behind their homes and possessions, bringing only what they could carry in a suitcase.
Reflecting on that period, one Sugahara family member shared on camera: "Before the camps, we had this giant house. My father was doing well before the war. I sometimes wonder, ‘Wasn’t I deprived?’ It would have been easier had we had that. But then, as my mother said, ‘Sometimes what you think is the worst thing that can happen to you, turns out to be the best.’ "
After their release, the family faced further adversity in trying to repurchase land they had sold to neighbors. Looking at the options, their matriarch asserted, "Well, we can sit here and mope and complain, or we can make our way East and start a new life." Despite losses during the war and subsequent challenges, the family moved forward with resolve.
For the Sugaharas, the stories about the internment camps occupy a central place in their family narrative. The betrayal, pain and loss of that time was felt deeply. They didn’t shy away from sharing some of those emotions. Throughout, they managed to express both positive and negative emotions. On the one hand, they recognized that the government made a mistake in doubting the loyalty of Japanese Americans as a group, but they did not become embittered. Instead, their family’s first generation worked to demonstrate patriotism, encouraged others to do the same, and utilized civil and political channels to right the wrongs that had been made.
A member of the family’s third generation noted, "If we hadn’t had this bad thing happen, we wouldn’t have had all the good things afterward." This simple statement underscores the immense value of consciously passing on family stories and history. Rather than looking at “what happened” through rose-colored glasses, dwelling in bitterness or hiding away difficult moments, the Sugahara narrative emphasizes authenticity, agency and unity, serving as inspiration to future family members for how to navigate adversity and embrace growth opportunities.
For your family or the one you advise
As you consider your own family's narrative or those of client families, take note of the three interlocking building blocks of a resilience narrative:
- Positive-meaning making: Share stories that inspire agency by reflecting on how experiences changed us and what we learned from them.
- Coherence: Ensure that family narratives make sense to younger members, with clear timelines and cause-and-effect connections.
- Emotional truth: Be honest about the range of emotions experienced, acknowledging both positive outcomes and the challenges faced.
These elements of resilience narratives can be expressed in various settings, from casual dinner-table conversations to more lasting storytelling formats like books and films.
If your family or one you advise has faced challenges such as bankruptcy, lawsuits, death, divorce, illness, prejudice or other external pressures, sharing these experiences can help build a resilience narrative. Crafting a deliberate family narrative becomes a potent tool for nurturing intergenerational relationships and fostering long-term resilience. By harnessing this powerful asset, you can reap rewards both now and for generations to come.