All families intend to be philanthropic, but when it comes down to it, many don’t even know where to start. Erin Chan Ding explores going beyond writing checks for local charities or raising paddles at blowout fundraisers and talks with experts about how best to get started. Philanthropy, if done correctly, has the power to bring families even closer together.
And if a philanthropic family, or any family enterprise, is thinking of its next family retreat, we’ve got you covered. We’ve compiled a comprehensive list of global venues that can accommodate all-encompassing family retreats, including properties for full buy-outs and ones that can create special-occasion experiences like fly fishing, archery or yoga classes, among many others.
As always, we appreciate any comments, ideas and insights that would make this newsletter more useful. I look forward to growing this family office community with your help. Please email me at [email protected].
How to become a philanthropic family
By ERIN CHAN DING
So you want to become a more philanthropic family? It’s one thing to raise a paddle at a charity auction or Venmo the parent-teacher organization at your child’s school, but it’s something else entirely to approach your family’s giving thoughtfully and strategically.
Becoming a philanthropic family means much more than writing a bunch of checks. “Just in the way that you spend a lot of time learning about how to make that money, you want to spend time learning about how to give that money away as well,” said Heather Larson, founder of LiveGive, which works with families, foundations and corporations to boost giving.
Giving well can be life-changing for a family, Larson said, not just with the impact that families can make but also in the way giving brings families together. “When a family is actually leaning into relationships with each other and listening to each other and wanting to make a difference together,” she said, “it actually can build the family and help affirm who the family is and their unity as a family.”
Larson and other philanthropy advisers encourage family offices to engage the entire family, develop a giving muscle, break up with an organization when necessary and develop fruitful relationships with philanthropic organizations. Here’s how.
Start your family’s story
Strategic philanthropy starts with deep conversation. It begins with sharing each other’s stories and listening to one another. As those stories come out, personal passion areas start surfacing, and family members often find that what they care deeply about overlaps.
During these conversations, Larson said, she asks family members questions such as: “When has your heart really broken for a need in our world? What is a circumstance that you heard about that brought you to tears, or that made you angry, or that inspired you to want to do something?”
She paraphrased writer and theologian Frederick Buechner: “Where does your deepest gladness overlap with the world's greatest need?”
Tamika Felder, chief visionary officer at Cervivor, which provides cervical-cancer support and resources, calls her nonprofit's family partnerships “some of our most meaningful donations [because] we know they put a lot of thought into who when it comes to donations.”
The process of these philanthropic conversations is often more important than the outcome, Larson said, because it’s an opportunity to ensure that every family feels respected and heard.
“The process can help affirm family dynamics,” she said, “and draw people together and build trust among family members.”
Learn how to give
With so many organizations and individuals doing good across America — there were nearly 2 million nonprofits in the United States in 2023, according to the Internal Revenue Service — how should a family decide how to allocate their giving?
Larson uses the acrostic “AIM” to aid families in their philanthropic discussions:
- Does it align with our vision, values and what we want to do?
- Is it important enough to go above my other priorities? Am I willing to say no to other things to do this?
- Is it mine to do? Am I uniquely wired and resourced to take this on? And do I feel compelled that this is personally my job to do?
Part of developing what Larson calls “the giving muscle” is to explore. She advises families to have the humility to ask questions, learn from others and be curious about how to give.
Maryann Fernandez, managing director of the philanthropic advisory firm Strategic Philanthropy, said curiosity can keep people from “feeling overwhelmed by the question of your ultimate passion.”
“Ask yourself, ‘What am I genuinely curious about?’ or ‘What issues intrigue me?’ ” she said. “These simple inquiries can lead to profound insights.”
Fernandez gives examples such as: “What strategies could encourage more girls to pursue STEM [science, technology, engineering and math] fields? How can we provide more capital access to entrepreneurs of color?
“By exploring these questions on your own, with your family or with the assistance of an adviser, individuals can uncover areas that resonate and ignite passion and can lead to meaningful philanthropy."
When a family establishes a giving goal together, Larson said, members can also break off. Families may have a unified vision around certain areas for which they’ll allocate most of their resources, but some family members may want to steward a separate bucket of giving that doesn’t need the approval of the full family.
“A unified vision does not have to mean every person is fully enthusiastic about every single grant,” she said.
Once a family has a strategy for giving, Larson said, they need to work the plan. “You’ve got to get in and get experience making those donations and seeing what impact comes and what does work and what does not work,” she said. “And then at the end of a set period of time, you've got to evaluate that plan.”
When giving goes awry
Pay attention to your frustrations, and understand that if something isn’t working, there could be a problem on the donor side or the organizational side, Larson said.
“Ask yourself, ‘Is this frustration out of something that they’re not delivering?' " she said. " 'Or is it a frustration with something that we weren’t clear with? Or are we asking more of them than what they can or will deliver as an organization?’ ”
Larson shared a story about a client who had an organization call him spontaneously to ask whether it could redirect a grant to a different cause in the organization. Because he was in between work-related matters, he took the call quickly and agreed. But in the long term, he regretted shifting those resources.
“It's one of the reasons why it's so important to set clear expectations of longevity of a grant or frequency of a grant,” Larson said, “because you don't want to go back on something that you have committed to. But build in some escape valves along the way so that you both can move on if it's not working, in a way that isn't about breaking a commitment or breaking a promise.”
If you’ve fulfilled a commitment and if it’s not a good match, it’s OK to have a hard conversation — or ask a philanthropy adviser or family office director to have it — with a grantee or organization and move on to another giving area.
Develop healthy philanthropic relationships
Nobody likes to be micromanaged, and that includes staff at philanthropic organizations. This makes clarifying expectations critical.
If, for instance, a family wanted data and numbers back with each grant given, Larson would steer them toward a certain type of nonprofit and stay away from others.
“Values need to line up not just on the type of work they do but the type of organization and type of reporting they do,” Larson said. “If you set that up from the beginning — knowing how much interaction you want, what type of numbers you want back — then by connecting with organizations that are led by a CEO or an executive director that is passionate about delivering those same type of results, that's how you get a great relationship between a donor and an organization.”
Felder said it’s important for her nonprofit, in working with families, that clear objectives are set on both sides and that all parties “ensure transparency in expectations.” Getting to know the philanthropic team beyond the development director and executive director is also important.
“Take the time to understand the people who work at the grantee organization,” Fernandez said. "Building these personal connections lays the foundation for a more candid and productive relationship.”
She suggests scheduling regular check-in calls and in-person meetings to talk about strategy, challenges and successes and even attending team retreats and participating in activities that promote trust.
“Trust is essential for open conversations,” Fernandez said. “When you invest time in understanding the grantee’s context and challenges, it becomes easier to have honest discussions about goals and impact.”
Where to book your next multi-generational family retreat
By AMY GUTTMAN
Trips among multi-generational families have been on the rise since the end of travel restrictions related to the pandemic. Luxury tour operator Black Tomato reported a 20% increase in multi-generational travel from 2022 to 2023, and The UK’s Daily Telegraph cited 2023 as the year of the six-figure family holiday.
Group trips with extended family or friends are driving popularity in private buyouts or takeovers of properties for wellness or other retreats. For family office members of different generations, spending a few days away together can help smooth transitions and strengthen the bonds of a family. Finding common ground outside the boardroom can be instrumental to more harmonious decision-making and problem-solving.
Planning a trip for people of different age groups and interests can be daunting. It’s helpful to bear in mind the goals of the trip while trying to find a property that offers a range of suitable activities for everyone, a structure for family and free time, setting expectations so everyone’s on the same page.
Here are some of the best destinations for family retreats.
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U.S.
The Point | Saranac Lake, New York
Originally built in the 19th century as a private retreat for William Avery Rockefeller (John D. Rockefeller’s grand-nephew), The Point is among a group of grand family compounds built on the lakes of the Adirondack mountains. The 11-room, 22-guest, all-inclusive resort sits on 75 acres of lakefront property. Activities include hiking and skiing trails, tailored itineraries, ice skating and ice fishing in winter and watersports in summer, as well as e-bikes, outdoor movie nights and innertube races. Guests have access to an on-site kitchen and fully stocked bars with 24-hour access, seasonal menus sourced from local farms, picnics, campfire s’mores, themed dinner parties and special meals that can be prepared using a family’s own special recipe.
The Resort at Paws Up | Greenough, Montana
The Resort at Paws Up is a family-owned resort and working cattle ranch. Set on 37,000 acres including the Blackfoot River, the resort’s Wilderness Estate is made up of 10 homes, each with three suites. Glamping is also available. The vast grounds make the resort a great location for guided hikes, whitewater rafting, fly fishing, forest bathing, mountain biking, ATVs, horse riding, fireworks and hot-air-balloon rides. Winter activities include snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, snowmobiling, sleigh rides and ice skating.
Families can go on a cattle drive, shoot clays or take an archery course. Wine tastings and intimate musical concerts can be organized as well as hands-on cooking demonstrations and wilderness workshops.
Windy Hill Farm and Preserve | Loudon County, Tennessee
Located on 650 acres in east Tennessee, Windy Hill Farm and Preserve hosts up to 27 guests in a farmhouse with five bedrooms, nine private cabins and eight lodge rooms. Set along two miles of the Tennessee River, Windy Hill has all the trappings of a summer camp for grown-ups, with activities ranging from quail hunting, hiking, garden and orchard walks, beekeeping and honey tasting, axe throwing, archery, biking, kayaking, paddle boarding and fishing to gardening and cooking classes and nightly bonfires. Meals use ingredients harvested on the property. Meeting space is available.
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CARIBBEAN
Four Seasons Nevis Pinney’s Beach | Nevis, West Indies
The Four Seasons Nevis is a large resort with a separate area for smaller family buyouts called Pinney’s Beach — made up of seven luxury villas that offer in-villa breakfast, dedicated concierge and ambassador, a block party with dinner and a DJ or band, a rum cart cocktail hour, afternoon gelato cart, a sunset catamaran sail, a private beach dinner, team-building activity, beach cabana and a meeting room with catered lunch. Guests have access to resort amenities including three beachside infinity pools (one for adults only), watersports, spa, tennis, pickleball and basketball courts, yoga classes and an 18-hole Robert Trent Jones II golf course. Family barbecue’s and private cooking classes can also be arranged.
Three villas make up Little Harbour Estates on the sheltered southern side of Anguilla looking toward St. Martin. The property is set against Meads Bay and its white sand beach. There are eight bedrooms in The Beach House. Villa Indigo sleeps 20 in 10 suites with a multilevel garden, two pools and a private swimming deck and beach area. Le Bleu sleeps 22 between the main house and garden suites and features two swimming pools and a game/meeting room. Access to tennis and pickleball courts, a cinema room, private chef and villa staff are included. Kayaking, kiteboarding, rum punch trail tours and hikes can be organized. Meals are tailored to guests' requirements, including full kosherization.
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UK AND EUROPE
Cowdray House | Midhurst, West Sussex, England
Nestled in the South Downs National Park just over an hour from London’s Heathrow Airport, Cowdray House is a historic 16,000-acre estate with landscaped gardens, a lake and woodlands. Grounds include the ruins of one of the most important early Tudor houses. Experiences include polo (lessons available), golf, simulated game shooting, wildlife tours, foraging, gin tastings, art classes, bowling alley, tennis court, cricket strip, croquet lawn, a spa, and indoor and outdoor pools. The estate also offers an evening of stargazing in the International Dark Sky Reserve, with Dr. John Mason pinpointing familiar and unfamiliar constellations and discovering the myths of the stars. Dinner and drinks are prepared using local produce, including meat, eggs and honey from the estate.
Aurora Lodge | Tromvik, Norway
Norway’s Aurora Lodge looks strikingly similar to a lodge featured in the last season of "Succession." Set in the remote Lyngen Alps, it is accessible by car (one hour) or helicopter (25 minutes) from Tromsø Airport, an easy transfer from Oslo. Six suites — sleek, angular, asymmetrical glass boxes with blond wood — face the Norwegian Sea and are the work of Scandinavian architect Snorre Stinessen. Activities, depending on the season, include kayaking with orcas and Northern Lights viewing with specialist photographers — 2024 is slated to be one of the best years for sightings. A fireplace complements the open-plan living and dining room to create a natural environment for afternoon hygge. A traditional sauna and Jacuzzi are outside. Aurora Lodge can only be booked through Black Tomato, which also curates experiences like reindeer sledding, snowmobiling, sea-to-summit skiing and ocean fishing for cod and halibut, with your catch prepared by a chef.
Villa Il Santo | Tuscany, Italy
Opening in May, this seven-bedroom luxury villa sleeps up to 16 people. Originally built in AD 1000 and recently restored, it’s situated in the heart of Chianti, making it a great base for visits to Florence, San Gimignano and Siena. With views over the Tuscan countryside, the property has several spacious living rooms, a heated infinity pool and landscaped gardens with roses, jasmine and olive trees. Activities include helicopter tours of Tuscany, mushroom and truffle hunting, nearby vineyards for wine tasting, a personal sommelier who can teach wine and food pairings, cycling, hiking, swimming, tennis, golf and a beekeeping tour with honey tasting. An outdoor kitchen offers a pizza oven and barbecue. Florence is 40 minutes by car and Pisa 80 minutes.
LOOSE CHANGE
Dan Abrams talks about launch of vineyard: The veteran journalist sees Ev&Em as a long-term play. “I would love to have one of my kids take over the vineyard down the road.”
Sotheby's to auction Stallone’s watch collection: On June 5, the “Important Watches” auction will feature some of the actor’s most unusual timepieces from Rolex, Audemars Piguet and Piaget, including a rare Patek Philippe.
The most outstanding kids clubs for jet set families: With the right engaging activities, arts-and-craft projects, cultural education programs and enthusiastic counselors, well-traveled kids can and will frolic for hours.
Help us with a story: We’re working on a story about trust and estate planning considerations for the LGBTQ community. If you have any comments on the topic, reach out to [email protected].